Monday, October 17, 2005

Promotion Boy In A Suit And Tie

The following conversation stems from the HATE EMAIL that I sent to 96.5 in regards to cancelling The Roula and Ryan Show in the AM. This show was my favourite AM entertainment...until the radio station had to go and F-IT-UP by encouraging the second coming of a washed-out-has-been that mysteriously disapeared off the map earlier this year. See JAO!!!

From JAKE to 96.5
You blew it BIG by letting Roula and Ryan go!!!

Bringing in Sam Malone???...Please...he had his chance
on morning radio and decided to vacate...his
loss...and now ultimately, your loss.

I will not be listening to your program any
longer...its a shame to see that you turned your back
on a couple of fresh personalities - Roula and Ryan -
and replacing them with that fossil Malone.

Bad move on your part. Bring back Roula and
Ryan...QUICK!!!

jake

From JAKE to AMANDA-JAYNE and JAO
Here is a generic letter that I got after sending them a HATE EMAIL!!!

Dear MIX Listener,

I appreciate your taking the time to write. Making a change in the
mornings is always a difficult thing to do. This was no different. It
was made even harder because Roula and Ryan worked hard and did a good
job. However, we felt the morning show had grown as much as it could
and
we needed a show that was broader and reached a larger audience. Sam
Malone has been entertaining that audience for 12 years in Houston and
we felt that was the way to help take MIX 96.5 to another level.

Your listening to MIX 96.5 is important to me, it is why I am writing
you back. I hope you will give Sam a try. His show will be very
different than it was on KRBE and I know, if given the chance it could
be a show you will enjoy in the morning as much or more than you
currently do. Please give him a chance over the next few weeks. If you
do, thank you and I hope you will write again and let me know.

Regardless of your decision, thank you for caring enough to write.

Thank you for listening,

Buddy Scott
Dir. AC Programming
KHMX/KODA
Houston, TX

From JAO to AMANDA-JAYNE and JAKE
(Dear #516,488,)

I appreciate your taking the time to write. (You’re getting a little out of line here.) Making a change in the mornings is always a difficult thing to do. (Kicking good people out so more popular ones can have a turn may seem difficult, but…) This was no different. (...this is a profitable maneuver, and it happens all the time.) It was made even harder because Roula and Ryan worked hard and did a good job. (Roula and Ryan worked hard and did a good job. But good, hard work just doesn’t cut it.) However, we felt the morning show had grown as much as it could (The show had consistent numbers in the high 800k’s, but we just had to break a solid 1,000,000…) and we needed a show that was broader and reached a larger audience. (…so we had to find a way to steal listeners from all the other morning shows.) Sam Malone has been entertaining that audience for 12 years in Houston and we felt that was the way to help take MIX 96.5 to another level. (Sam Malone has a big dick in this town; and even though some of his cocksuckers started fondling Roula and Ryan after Sam pulled-out, we want all of those cocksuckers to start listening to our commercial breaks. Every cocksucker counts!!)

Your listening to MIX 96.5 is important to me, (We love it when you suck DJ dick while listening to our commercial breaks,) it is why I am writing you back. (…that’s why I clicked...reply, copy, paste, send, before I left the office. I hope you will give Sam a try. Have you seen Sam’s dick?? It’s pretty big, especially during the commercials!) His show will be very different than it was on KRBE and I know, if given the chance it could be a show you will enjoy in the morning as much or more than you currently do. (Although Sam won’t have Maria Todd to break the awkward silences, I’m sure you’ll laugh a few times, maybe more!) Please give him a chance over the next few weeks. (Please don’t let the awkwardness bother you.) If you do, thank you and I hope you will write again and let me know. (If it does, just ignore it. Oh, and don’t write us, we’ll write you. You just worry about staying in line.)

Regardless of your decision, thank you for caring enough to write. (We really don’t care what the fuck you decide, per say, as long as you don’t influence anyone else, and cause them to think. See, you’re more valuable to us as Mr./Ms. 516,488 than you are as Mr. Jake Wilkins. We can’t sell Jake Wilkins, nor can we sell anything to Jake Wilkins. However, we can sell 516,488. Along with every number preceding and following you.)

(Thank you for listening to our advertisers.)

Buddy Scott
Dir. AC Programming (Consumer Proctologist)
KHMX/KODA (THE MAN)
Houston, TX

From JAKE to AMANDA-JAYNE and JAO
That was wonderfully delicious. I loved it...sad but true. So now my choices for early morning programming...ummm...I guess I will have to check out the AM side of the radio...talk radio...hmmm. Maybe we should start our own radio show.

From AMANDA-JAYNE to JAO and JAKE
Guys you are forgetting something here. No matter what this guy says, they do not care about the listeners. What they care about is money…the bottom f’ing line. What Sam Malone brings to the table here is that he is up the ass of every sponsor the radio shows have. If you guys remember, Sam speaks often and for long periods of time about Sterling McCall Toyota, Some Outdoors shop that he goes to, Politics, Dog Food, and other things. It really is annoying to the listener, but the sponsors love him for it. I am sure by bringing on Sam Malone that they have fattened their bottom line by adding loyal sponsors of sam. It’s the way the business life works, and it always will be. Roula and Ryan could have grown along with the show…that is all bullshit. If I were them, I would put Roula and Ryan in the other prime spot (the 5:00 going home from work stuck in traffic spot) and let them replace whoever they have now. But they are the ones making the shots…not me.
Let’s do it!!! I so want to be on the radio.

...with a careless memory
jake...woooooooooooooooooooooooooossshhh!!!