OOOH!!! NASSSTY!!!

I casually strolled into the STANKY bathroom here at work, minding my own business of course, when out of the corner of my eye I noticed a gentlemen washing his hands. The place reeeked of crap so I naturally assumed that he was the cause for the sudden burning irritation in my eyes.

I made my way to the urinal to do my business and in the middle of stream, the said gentleman made his way to the stall...locked the door, let down the seat, dropped his pants and began blowin' like a fog horn!!! Damn!!!

Now, don't get me wrong...I have no problems with mother nature and her calling but...WHY???...WHY???...OH WHY???...did this man wash BEFORE doing the dirty deed...I just don't get it!!!

Wouldn't one be nastier AFTER all the wiping??? EWWW!!! YUKKK!!!

***Lesson learned...never ever EVER...shake hands with pre-washers!!!

jake...Woooooooooshhh!!!

X-Cellent Rendezvous

After the phone stalking of MR. X on Tuesday, I thought I would throw in the towel! However, on Wednesday, I had no control over my fingers as they pressed his already programmed celly...I hadn't even met the guy and already had his number programmed...IS THAT BAD???

So I called, and got the FUCKING answering machine AGAIN!!! DAMN!!! This bitch don't wanna be reached!!! So because I'm such a pathetic, weak, desperate Boiii, I left a short but very cordial message...it went something like this..."I WILL NOT BE IGNORRRED DAN!!!"

...Psycho??? I don't think so...a girl has needs...and sometimes those needs have to be met...I didn't feel like he was meeting my needs. Now let me say, that I'm not usually this aggressive but when you're told by a friend to call this guy..."so you both can talk and get to know each other"...it makes you think "your doing something right".

So I hung up and went about my business...thinking to myself 'oh well, I'll just drink the last two Corona's in the fridge tonight and this time have a PORN photo shoot...BY MYSELF!!! AS USUAL!!!'

Not less than an hour later, I had the boy on the phone...HE CALLED ME!!! HE ACTUALLY CALLED...ME!!! - Now...I'd like to think that he called of his own free will, so we'll just leave it at that!!!

After a short conversation, we agreed to meet for coffee around 21:45ish.

I was giddy for the rest of the day and could hardly contain myself...I just wanted to shout at the top of my lungs...so the whole world would know..."I have a DATE!!! YEEHAW!!!"

So after running all of my errands, I came back home and got freshened up. I wanted to look good but not really super-duper-over-the-top good 'cause we were just going for coffee and a talk...so I tried to keep it a bit low-key, very kashhh, very hip!!!

I was calm, cool, and collected until I got into the car and pulled out of the driveway...and then I began to think 'Oh my GOD, what if this guy is FAT, ACNE FACED, STANKY and has no fashion-sense???'...What was I going to do???...Continue on my journey or turn the car around and drive home like a bat outtta haill??? I talked myself down and decided to go through with the plans!!!...after all...he could be "The One".

I pulled up in the parking lot, and gathered myself and very very casually made my way into Starbucks. No one was inside except the "ever-peppy-baristas". I ordered my drink and began looking all around...now, mind you...any passer-by at this point may have thought they were watching a young man who's tracking the flight of a fly or a mosquito so that he may be squashed!!!...but I just had to do it...I had to search every hidden nook and cranny within the shop.

And then it happened...we locked eyes...there he was out on the patio...looking back at me. Damn!!! He was HOTTT!!! Right there the whole time and I hadn't noticed him!!! I quickly grabbed my drink and headed to his table introduced myself and asked if he was drinking and if I could get him anything...he declined. I sat down and we talked, laughed and exchanged email addresses and screennames!!! HOLY SHIT!!! I couldn't believe it.

I went home with hope!!! I felt ALIVE!!!

I called him today and the phone just rang and rang and rang and rang and rang!!! DAMN!!! I didn't like that...so, I immediately called back...and the phone just rang and rang and rang and rang...DAMN!!! I signed on to the computer and waited and waited and waited for him, but he didn't show up.

...I'm beginning to sense that he's really not into this "whole us thang"!!! HMMMMM!!!...

Recipe for a GOOOD TIME!!!

Take ONE part GAY boi...
Add THREE parts Corona Extra...
***Stroke...ever-so-gently***
And you have ONE SEXXXY photo shoot!!!

P.S. if you were the cameraman, you could have had your way with ME!!! wooooooooooosshhhhh!!!

Jake?...Party of one...Jake?...Party of one...

So I decided to take a chance and make a go for it...WITH MR. X...that is...so I called him up. As luck would have it...he answered the phone and we talked for a short time. I was actually at work when I called so I had to keep it brief. In our short conversation, we established that we would set aside a day this week to talk...he had school and I had work.

So the date was set for today...YEAH!!!...I WAS THRILLED!!! I waited PATIENTLY...and then waited some more...and waited some more...and waited some more...DAMN!!! Just when I thought that I might actually get to meet some really nice guy...

After discussing my dilemma with O,...I just had to get another SISTA'S opinion on the matter...I decided to call him...I called... at 19:00, 19:15, 19:45, and 21:05!!! IS THAT BAD??? ...WHAT???...ME???...A STALKER??? Say it isn't so...

So the SUNOFABITCH never answered. I can see the writing all over the wall on this...NOT INTERESTED!!!

That's the last FUCKING ALMOST BLIND DATE I'll ever go on!

The Return of the "T-GALS"

I couldn't let the good people of the world go another day without seeing the rest of "Truly Scrumptious and Trixie".

ENJOY...because I am LAUGHING MY ASS OFF!!!

Party Shenanigans

Friday Night was set aside as Party Night for the cast and crew of Kingwood Community College Drama Production, "A Night of Shorts". In this production was the inclusion of "After the Governor's Ball".

The party was held at our house and started promptly after that night's performance. Most of the cast was there and the party was well underway by the time I arrived...I had to work.

I quickly made myself a drink and began joining in with the festivities. There was merriment all around...inside and outside. It was a lot of fun!!! I can't recall us ever having a party like that. Our parties usually consist of our families coming over and having dinner.

There was music, dancing, laughing and even a personal visit from "Truly Scrumptious" and her side-kick "Trixie". That was a sight that you had to see to believe...but a Fabulous one no less.

We were having a gay 'ole time...until...a certain someone could no longer hold her liquor and began spewing all over the place. Guess who got to clean up the mess???

So the party quickly came to a close and everyone that could drive, split...everyone that couldn't, went to bed...I got to clean up puke...ah yes...good times.

jake...whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhoooooooooosh

Introducing "Truly Scrumptious" and "Trixie"

Mr. X

One of the cast members from "After the Governor's Ball" came up to me and said, "I have a FRIEND I would like you to meet". My heart immediately stopped beating...could this be it?...could this be the one that I meet and fall in love with?...could this be destiny knocking at my door?...I could hardly contain the excitement and the giddiness welling up inside.

I humbly but quickly accepted the invitation with an "OK, great that would be nice". She elaborated and said, "I'll have to introduce you two one day...he's not here tonight". OH FOR HEAVEN'S' SAKE!!! All of my hopes and dreams...dashed upon the rocks!!! I thanked her for the consideration and we parted ways.

My curiosity was aroused, so I immediately went to work and dispatched my network of spies to retrieve and reveal to me, all possible information of who Mr. X was and what he was all about.

The following information was gathered:
- 24 Yrs old
- Argentinean
- wears glasses
- short

That was it! That was all I had to go on. You can imagine my disappointment...my mind immediately began to concoct an image of MR. X's physical appearance. This could not be good!!!

Needless to say, I didn't build up high hopes of meeting a Ricky Martin or Benicio Del Toro, or Antonio Banderas or even a John Leguizamo...CHI CHI!!!...one could always hope.

I went about my normal routine until a few days later "the actress" approached me again and asked..."Did you get his number"? Apparently, she had given Mr. X's number to a mutual friend of ours and he didn't pass it on to me. Damn Him!!!

As fate would have it, the number ended up in my hand...so there I was...there it was...I stared at it...it stared at me...it called to me...it longed for me...it was inevitable...I had to make decision...good or bad...should I or shouldn't I?...

HOMO-Hunting

Today was another meeting for the Houston Pride Parade committee that I was supposed to go to, however...I was sawing logs at the time...a girl does need her Beauty Sleep!!!

The whole point of me getting involved with this group was to meet gay people, and possibly start networking within the "gay scene". I live such a sheltered lifestyle that I think I can count all of my gay friends on three fingers!!!

So now I will have to make another empty promise to myself that I will make the next meeting and get in there and get involved!!!

The ideal scenario here would be something along these lines...meet some hot guys, who would then introduce me to their hot guy friends who would then in turn, introduce me to their hot guy friends, and so on, and so on, and so on!!!

After the Governor's Ball

I'm proud to introduce the cast of "After the Governor's Ball". They did such a wonderful job...I'm partial to the Mrs. and the youngest daughter...(second and third from the left)...they both belong to me!!! It's the first production that Amanda-Jayne and Gracie have been in together. They both have a natural talent.

Gracie wants to make it a career and we are encouraging her to "Go For It". We'll support you babe!

This was actually Amanda-Jayne's first attempt at a lead role...she was so good, that the directors cast her for two productions!!! And of course she did BRILLIANT in the other production as well.

You could say that we are a family of actors and thespians...we come by it honestly though, we're really just a bunch of "HAMS"!!!

Way to go ladies!!! I love you more than life itself.

A Day With PANCHO

...Ah Yes...a day of whimsy!!!

It's crazy how much a bad situation can get just a bit better within 24 hours...it was a day well deserved after the hellatious SUNDAY NIGHT AFFAIR!!!

So it was a day of fun had by all...Myself, Amanda-Jayne and our friend Owen...(see above)

Here's a rundown of the day's activities:
- sleeping-in late
- viewing the dirty house...and not lifting a finger to clean it
- lunch at Pancho's...bad Mexican joint
- pictures at Pancho's...most of them sucked
- sweeping, gardening...and getting dirty
- starbucks run...quick pick-me-up
- drama pracitce...OH THE DRAMA!!!
- blogging...OH THE BLOGGING!!!

Batta Batta Batta...SWING!!!...

There was tons of drama from 02:00 until approximately 04:00 on the 18th.

Our "everyday-life" around the house has not been normal or ordinary in quite some time, but now, it's reaching new levels of awkwardness and tension. Life as I knew it, as we knew it,...is no more! Everything right, has become wrong and turned upside down! The severity of the issue at hand is rapidly effecting everyone in the house and becoming a serious SERIOUS issue.

The origin of the turmoil began with Amanda-Jayne and Nick...who are married, my two best friends in the world, and also my roommates. The situation has slowly evolved and caught me up in it, as well as our two oldest children...

There have been several days of intense anger...three to be exact...and tons of yelling and screaming along the way. Last night though, almost became out of hand...and could have gone way over the top! We're talking...some possible bat-swinging sessions...(M. NIGHT SHAMALAYAN'S SIGNS ANYONE???) If you could only have seen me becoming SUPER-BUTCH and jumping right in the middle of that...now THAT was something way out of my character...but that's how HEATED the situation was...and I didn't want anyone to regret what may have happened...later on down the road.

So after Amanda-Jayne finally ejected Nick from the house...the yelling and talking continued on through chained, dead-bolted and locked doors and eventually tapered off to normal volume levels after a couple of hours. They finally came to an agreement and he left for the night.

Of course there's so many more details that belong in the story but...we'd be here for days...and I really get caught up emotionally when thinking and writing about this.

For now...the situation is "status quo". After a few hours of sleep, I think everyone has cooled down...so, we'll have to take the rest of today and see what happens...hopefully everything will go a lot smoother than last night. After that, it's going to be a day by day thang!

It's my duty...

...So here I am almost six weeks after my last post...I felt like I really didn't have much to say and put out there...I didn't want the same things to be said day after day...BORING!!!

Alas, I was encouraged by a couple of fellow bloggers to "Just go ahead and commit to writing at least once a week at first and then you could work yourself up to more...if you wanted". So I took their advice and decided to try it again. What could it hurt?...make a commitment and stick with it.

I have a few favourite blogs that I read on a regular basis and sometimes they don't put much out there other than a line or two...so I guess I could keep it simple if I needed to. I would love to incorporate some of the great gadgets that I have seen on other blogs...I guess that will come with time.

...and honestly, there has been tons that has been going on in my life over the last six weeks that I could write about.

...so here's my pledge...I solemnly swear to Blog...Blog in the good times, Blog in the bad times, Blog all the time...well...maybe!!! I'm such a DORK!!!

jake...woooooooooooooooooosh!